I don't know where to start. Yesterday we got the official results that the frozen transfer was a negative. I knew though since last week that it did not work. I took a couple pregnancy tests last week and they all were negative. Last week was pure hell. I have never felt so low, so defeated and broken. The best way I can explain is that I had this lump that sat in my throat and at any minute it would come to the surface in tears, sobs, and pure pain. And it honestly felt like my heart hurt.
There are so many more questions now. Obviously something is not right. I am young, had great quality embryos, and still nothing. And I want to know what is the problem. We meet with the doctor next week to discuss next steps. I need and want answers.
My sadness has seemed to turn to anger. I have been saying a lot of 'why me's' lately. I don't know why I have to be the 'one' you read about on the internet. Those are always other people and now it's me. I am going to give myself a couple more days of playing the 'why me' game but then I need to move past it. This is the shitty hand I was dealt and I need to figure out a way to deal with it.
We have a lot of soul searching and decisions to make. I pray that we continue to have strength to persevere.